Go Take A Nap

29 Mar

Yesterday I walked with Daisy in the carrier for about two hours. When we got home at 5pm, my back and legs were hurting, so I took two Advil and lay down for a few minutes. And then I woke up and it was 10pm. My kind husband took care of the baby’s bedtime routine and put her to bed and let me sleep. So I got ready for bed and went back to sleep, and then woke up at 8 this morning. That is 15 hours of sleep. Granted, I had to get up at midnight and 3 to feed and change the baby, like usual. But I haven’t slept like that in quite a while. It feels glorious.

I have two problems when it comes to sleep. First, when the baby is in bed (around 7), I feel like I have to make the very most of my baby-free time. And I stretch it until 11 or midnight. And with two or three night feedings, the next morning comes around way too quickly. Second, after I’ve fed and changed the baby, she goes back to sleep right away, but I lie in bed wide awake and waiting for her to need me again.

It is hard for me to frame “go get some rest” in a way that puts the focus on Daisy and not myself. The closest I can get to it is “I am a better mother when I am well rested.” That is so, so true. Because I am better at everything when I’m not dragging with fatigue. One early bedtime does not mean that I’ve paid off my sleep debt, however, so I’m going to try to head upstairs at 8:30 every night. Even though that means only an hour and a half of baby-free relaxation.

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